The Top 5 Camp #StayHome Workouts
By Eric Grigs | April 12, 2020
The coronavirus is here. The news is depressing. The shelter-in-place orders have ruined your workout routine. Fear not, because thanks to the interwebs, you’re in luck. For the low price of zero dollars, the Pop Trash Gym is offering memberships to these camp workout classes, all available (for now) on YouTube. Stay in shape in the comfort of your home under the guidance of qualified celebrity trainers. I have tried each one and personally recommend them—but remember, as every good fitness VHS disclaimer notes: “not all exercises are suitable for everyone, please consult your doctor before beginning a new health regimen.”
Richard Simmons, Broadway Sweat
Do you love old showtunes? Of course you do! So join Richard in his bedazzled tank top for a real aerobic workout where his positive affirmations and constant encouragement like “You’re really doing it!” will keep you motivated through the collective crippling depression we are all facing.
Favorite segment: Ease on Down the Road from The Wiz has just the right upbeat tempo and is a bit more enjoyable for aerobics, rather than older songs from Mame, for example.
Why it’s recommended: Compared to every other workout tape I’ve seen, the people on the screen most resemble how out of shape I am, so that gives me hope.
Difficulty level: 5 out of 10, because I actually did break a sweat.
Debbie Reynolds, Do it Debbie’s Way
This is what happens when stars from the golden age of Hollywood films collide with the home video era. Debbie has more makeup on than anyone would want to have covering their face as they sweat, so right away you know this won’t be a very intense workout. Maybe do it Debbie’s way on your “rest” days. (Bonus variation: there’s a couples workout version with Reynolds, Dick Van Patten, Tom Bosley, and their spouses.)
Favorite segment: The swing music cranks up from the very beginning when instructor Debbie starts off our session by saying “Shelley and I were just funning around,” before getting to serious workout business.
Why it’s recommended: Yes, that Shelley is Shelley Winters. The whole time she’s in the back of the class struggling and grousing as much as you are every time you have to exercise—and wearing a sweatshirt that says “I’m only doing this for Debbie.” Debbie constantly turns away from the camera, calling her out. Frankly, aren’t we all a little bit Shelley right now?
Difficulty level: 2 out of 10; 10 out of 10 if you’re Winters.
Jane Fonda, Lean Routine
Jane is the home workout O.G. If you own the re-released DVD version of this session, her newly recorded introduction is actually a pretty awesome message about motivation, home fitness, empowerment, changing times, and feminism. I swear by this workout—it’s based on the science of interval training, but how much will you get out of it? Like everything, individual results may vary.
Favorite segment: The last third! It’s structured so you can do a 20, 40, or 60 minute workout. As with most aerobics classes, it takes several tries, so don't give up! At first, my body felt completely uncoordinated trying to match the simplest moves at Jane & company’s speed. But with persistence, once you get it, you’ll feel so accomplished.
Why it’s recommended: The workout outfits alone are worth watching, and look out for the cool-down portion where everyone pulls out sunglasses to make sure things stay real cool.
Difficulty level: 8 out of 10, because it will push you just enough.
Cher Fitness, Hot Dance
Do you believe in life after loafing? Get up off the couch! I know I’m in for it as soon as Cher tells me this “hot dance routine is 38 minutes of fat-burning fun” and I see she’s basically wearing what looks like the skimpy black bodysuit outfit from the “Turn Back Time” music video on the battleship with sailors.
Favorite part: None. This shit is intense and hard. But I expected as much from Cher-level standards that no one can really ever live up to.
Why it’s recommended: It’s Cher, bitches! She doesn’t seem to age, so I plan to do what she says for the rest of my life—even if it means “hot dance” occasionally.
Difficulty level: 9 out of 10; good luck!
Angela Lansbury’s Positive Moves
Presumably scored by Zamfir and his magical pan flute, this video is aimed at seniors who want to stay fit, but is marketed as “a personal plan for fitness and well-being at any age.” This blend of pseudo Tai Chi, terry cloth pajamas, and sensual bubble baths is like a spa day at your grandmother’s house. Relaxing, right? Remember after a workout you need to hydrate on the inside and outside, so Angela shows us body massage and moisturizing with aloe.
Favorite part: Oh, you’ll know it when you see it. There’s a reason why Amy Sedaris spoofed this self-care extravaganza. You’ll feel uncomfortable, but unable to look away.
Why it’s recommended: Fortunately, there are no murders to solve here.
Difficulty level: 0 out of 10, unless you’ve been collecting social security checks for a while, then 1 out of 10.
Eric Grigs is a pop culture writer, artist, and co-host of the Pop Trash Podcast.