Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid: Scary ’70s TV Movies
By Tim Parks | October 1, 2023
Spooky season is upon us, and it got me thinking about where my addiction to watching horror movies year round came from. My mom got the ball rolling by showing me 1958’s The Blob when I was four, and much like the gelatinous creature, my love of all things scary grew exponentially over time. I devoured every morsel I could find broadcast to our Zenith TV. This included the TV movies my older brother and I would watch after school in the 1970s, courtesy of Los Angeles channel KABC.
Even in the daytime these tales of terror scared the ever-livin’ crap out of me! So, I tried to avoid watching horror movies at night, like 1974’s Killdozer. Back then, we lived in a new-build community that was still under construction, and I didn’t want to take any chances. (Hey, I was five!) Now all these years later, I’m revisiting the films that felt the scariest at the time. While campy, these five may still send shivers down your spine.
Duel (1971)
Richard Matheson’s screenplay tells the tale of a maniacal truck driver attempting to kill driver David Mann (Dennis “McCloud” Weaver). He’s just trying to make his way to a business meeting, apparently in Nowheresville, USA, given all the dive diners and gas stations (one with a rattlesnake farm, even!) along the way. He ends up in a cat-and-mouse chase with a menacing, unknown trucker. Four years before he terrorized moviegoers with Jaws, Steven Spielberg cut his directorial debut teeth with Duel. (See what I did there?)
How It Stacks Up: Let’s face it, drivers haven’t gotten nicer over the years. Road rage is here to stay. Still, it’s tense AF and relatable today—even if you can’t fill your Plymouth Valiant with Ethyl.
Fun Fact: Duel was released to movie theaters in Europe, which was the version I found. And it had three, count ’em three cuss words! Gasp!
Where To Find It Streaming: YouTube.
Gargoyles (1972)
Dr. Mercer Boley (Cornel “The Original Dad Bod” Wilde), a renowned anthropologist/paleontologist/author/professor, and apparent multi-tasker, checks out a Native American legend about ancient creatures in the desert Southwest. His daughter Diana (Jennifer “Eunice Tate on Soap” Salt) arrives on the scene to take “sexy pictures” for his “dry prose,” wearing an outfit that is the reverse mullet of fashion, in that her bikini top is all party on top and long denim skirt, with a slit up the middle, constitutes as business on the bottom. They meet with Uncle Willie at his Desert Museum, who gives them a dire warning about being out after dark and shows them the skeletal remains of a gargoyle. After many gargoyle attacks, Diana is kidnapped by their leader (Bernie “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka” Casey).
How It Stacks Up: The movie is listed as being rated R for some reason. The only one I can discern as to why is when alcoholic motel owner Mrs. Parks—no relation—has her spine ripped from her body and is hung upside down from a telephone pole. The gargoyle makeup, while falling somewhere between resembling a Sleestak and a flying monkey, is most effective in spending the bulk of the budget on Casey’s terrifying visage.
Fun Fact: Salt went on to be an executive producer and writer for American Horror Story.
Where To Find It Streaming: Tubi.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (1973)
It’s times like these that I wish I had never gotten rid of my taped-off-TV-VHS-copy of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. It’s not streaming free anywhere! Rude! Married couple Sally (Kim “Franch Dressing”) Darby and Alex (Jim “White Bread” Hutton) Farnham inherit Sally’s grandmother’s house. Mr. Harris (William “Uncle Charley” Demarest) warns Sal against opening the fireplace, and he wasn’t kidding! Little pearl onion/prune-headed looking creatures terrorize Darby with taunts of “We want you, Sally!” I think this was the genesis for my fear of noises in scary movies, as their whispers are unsettling.
How It Stacks Up: The home’s 1970s interior decoration matching a blue rug with the lime green living room walls was frightening on its own. Shudder! The movie itself? Still creepy.
Fun Fact: Guillermo del Toro wrote the screenplay for the 2010 remake, turning Sally (Bailee Madison) into a child whose parents (Guy Pearce and Katie Holmes) don’t believe her about the CGI creatures.
Where To Find It Streaming: YouTube rental.
Trilogy of Terror (1975)
I decided to watch all three stories—based on Richard Matheson’s short stories that were directed by Dan Curtis—rather than just the last one, for once. Julie starts out with college student Chad Fitzgerald (Robert “Feathered Hair” Burton) wondering what his teacher looks like “under all those clothes.” Yuck. He becomes hot for schoolmarmish teacher Julie Eldridge (Karen “There’s no one left to fly the plane!” Black). He takes her to the drive-in, roofies her and then it’s off to a cheap motel to take photos to blackmail her with. Gee, he’s swell.
Millicent and Therese embody the lyrics of The Patty Duke Show, in that they are different as night and day, and it’s easy to see which one would lose control over a hot dog. Nudge, wink. Alas, they are not cousins, identical cousins, but rather twin sisters. It’s the second story with Black in full dowdy mode as Millicent. While good time girl Therese dresses in a prototype outfit for Hooters, only with an orange skirt and not short shorts. Millicent proclaims that Therese is evil to their psychiatrist Dr. Ramsey (George “Punky Brewster’s Dad” Gaynes). But she doesn't feel a certain way about it. Of the three stories, it’s the weakest.
This TV movie is best remembered for the third story, Ameila, and for good reason! It’s the best of the three, with Black not dressed down for once, and puts the terror in the trilogy. She does sport a bathrobe, but still, it’s better than her clothing homages to Olive Oyl in the first two tales. Ameila purchases a Zuni Fetish Doll for her new boyfriend’s birthday. Unfortunately, the gold chain around its waist falls off. And according to the “instruction manual” it comes with, that’s what keeps it from coming to life. Before you can say, “I pity the fool,” Black is trying her darndest to survive its unrelenting attacks. I think he may have been further provoked by the choice of floral wallpaper in the apartment, as it was hideous.
How it Stacks Up: Date rape is unfortunately still topical, and a creep will always be a creep. Sibling rivalry has always been a thing. (Therese! Therese! Therese!) Killer doll movies are a cottage industry in Hollywood. You needn’t look any further than the success of M3gan earlier this year.
Fun Fact: My brothers woke me up to watch the Zuni Fetish doll come at Black, like a starving man at Thanksgiving dinner when I was six. Is there such a thing as retroactive therapy?
Where To Find It Streaming: YouTube.
Salem’s Lot (1979)
I would be remiss in not giving props to this spook fest, based on the book by Stephen “The Master of Horror” King and directed by Tobe “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” Hooper, although it’s technically a miniseries. Writer Ben Mears (David “Hutch” Soul) returns to his hometown of Jerusalem’s Lot to pen a book about the spooky Marsten House, which has been purchased by the mysterious Richard Straker (James “Captain Nemo” Mason). His business partner—who bears an uncanny appearance to the 1922 boogeyman Nosferatu—Kurt Barlow (Reggie “The Man Who Knew Too Much” Nalder) goes about turning the citizens of the Maine town into vampires! Mears is aided in trying to stop the sudden bloodsucker population boon by Susan Norton (Bonnie “Die Hard” Bedelia), Jason Burke (Lew “The movie version of Dr. Kildare” Ayres) and Mark Petrie (Lance “James at 15” Kerwin).
How It Stacks Up: Two of Barlow’s children of the night, brothers Ralphie and Danny Glick, scratching at different bedroom windows to be invited in is still the stuff of nightmares.
Fun Fact: The original TV movie spawned an awful sequel, 1987’s A Return to Salem’s Lot, a 2004 miniseries remake with Rob Lowe, and allegedly a new movie redo. It was originally slated for a September 2022 release date, then moved back to April 2023 and now remains shelved by Warner Brothers. Boo!
Where To Find It Streaming: For rent on Vudu, Google Play, and Apple TV.
Tim Parks is the Lambda Literary Award-nominated author of The Scheme of Things and a freelance entertainment writer for 23 years, columnist for 18 years with his latest one, Hollywood, appearing in The Rage Monthly. In his spare time, he sells movie memorabilia on his Cult Pop Shop SD page on Etsy.