By Eric Grigs | January 23, 2021

Cereal consumption is on the decline. For a nation that once measured how many bowls of cereal they’d have to consume just to match one bowl of Total, Americans have eaten 14 bowls fewer a year than they did nearly three decades prior. What can rekindle the sweet nostalgia and revive the lukewarm consumer attitude toward fast, cold breakfasts?

For the last several years, news outlets have been predicting soggy days ahead for many of our morning table companions. Larry Light of Forbes, when examining the reasons for the decline, noted that marketing missteps deserve much of the blame. He states:“There is too much choice on the cereal shelves. The proliferation of varieties leads to confusion and frustration.” Instead of trying out some new offerings, companies like Kellogg’s and General Mills are doubling down on ‘brand extensions.’ Love Frosted Flakes? Well, why not try Banana Creme Frosted Flakes? (Actually, do not try them. You’ve been warned.) Believe it or not, Light notes that the Cheerios brand currently has 16 varieties available. We’ve moved lightyears beyond Honey Nut—thank you, food science!

But can you blame the multi-national food conglomerates when it comes to figuring out which artificially-flavored combinations will be the next Trix or Rice Krispies, let alone hoping to capture the magic of old standards like Grape-Nuts or Corn Flakes? Also, it must cost a fortune to create colorful new mascots—so it only makes good business sense to invest in the safe bets. For every Count Chocula, there’s bound to be a hundred Fruity Yummy Mummies (or if you prefer, Fruit Brutes) quickly going stale in the back stockroom.

As sales continue to stagnate, or downright drop, I feel nervous for the people who eat a certain favorite brand each week—or yikes, each day—and no doubt would be heartbroken if their Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, or Honey Smacks were to suddenly disappear from the aisles due to market fluctuations. Which made me think of the boxes of oats, wheat, corn, and well, mostly sugar that we’ve lost to history. Someone was once a Sugar Jets fan (and probably went to school anxious every day). Another regularly ate Crunchy Loggs (and was likely, er, regular every day). And the morning after there were no more Kellogg’s OK to be had, that day was definitely not ok. I wonder what did people who love purple food coloring switch to when the last box of Sir Grapefellow was emptied? (Who knows, but hopefully everything went smoothly transitioning from grape to “grrrreat!”)

We all know not to get too attached to “limited edition” flavors—your C3PO’s, your Cinnamon Vanilla Lucky Charms. Sure, you can feel safe dipping a spoon into a bowl of Pumpkin Spice Cheerios, because seasonal offerings have a better chance of boomeranging back to the shelf. In a year, those sweet, sweet lab-created chemicals will tickle your tastebuds again. However, future generations will never know what a Smurfberry really tasted like and experience its satisfying crunch.

For those that have tried to claim a spot in our cupboards but failed to stick around, join me in pouring out a bowl of milk to honor them. Sugaroos, anyone?