The Pirate Movie (1982)
By Eric Grigs | August 6, 2022
One of the first movies I can remember having a major obsession as a kid has now hit its 40 year anniversary. I think that makes me officially old. Although the good news is—if a recent social media post I made about the movie is any indication (sorry again, old!)—I’m in good company. Plenty of other people came out in the comments to show a similar unabashed love for this buried treasure (…please just don’t say “guilty pleasure”).
The Pirate Movie premiered in theaters on August 6, 1982. And it bombed. If you want to learn a bit more about why it flopped at the box office, give a listen to our recent “Pirate Misadventures” episode on the Pop Trash Podcast. Co-host Mike Jones and I also discuss where this film fits into the decades-long string of pirate-themed disappointments on the silver screen.
It’s a musical comedy spoof loosely based on The Pirates of Penzance, sharing some songs and story beats from the Gilbert and Sullivan source material. Nerdy Mabel (Kristy McNichol), chasing the cool teens to an island party, capsizes her boat and washes ashore. She awakens (or really just dreams it all) and has become a more self-confident woman, the daughter of a General who falls in love with Frederic (Christopher Atkins), an ex-pirate. I could recap more for you, but honestly, no one is here for the plot.
Instead, what we get is a charm offensive—which works for me because of the intense earnestness of the whole endeavor. What it lacks in substance, it more than makes up for in sheer audacity—throwing everything it’s got at the screen to see what sticks. This was a low budget Australian production, racing to get to the screen before the impending release of the more well-known and straightforward movie adaptation of The Pirates of Penzance with Linda Ronstadt and Kevin Kline. And out of the two, The Pirate Movie was first ship to make it to port, so to speak, but didn’t much matter because both sunk into the sea.
On paper, this movie seemed like a slam-dunk star vehicle for McNichol (on the heels of Little Darlings) and Atkins (fresh off The Blue Lagoon) as romantic leads. Both teen magazine heartthrobs, they were straddling the youth market and more mature roles, and this provided the opportunity for them to stretch their comedic acting talents a bit and test out some pop singing skills. Executives planned individual recording contracts for McNichols and Atkins following the film. When it tanked, both were off the table. (That’s odd, too, considering that much of Atkins’ singing was dubbed. But then again, his emotionally wrought ballad “How Can I Live Without Her?” from the soundtrack actually cracked into the Billboard Hot 100 at the time.)
Kristy McNichol provides the glue that holds it all together. Her natural comedic timing is on display here, and probably would be better remembered had the material been a bit stronger. But you know what? This movie is good enough! Like most 80s films, good enough was plenty for audiences then—as long as our actors committed to the material. So much of 80s comedy works because it’s dumb. But so enjoyably dumb. The best ones brought you along for the fun—contrasted with today’s laughs pervasively achieved by way of cool, detached irony. There is nothing cool here, and it is glorious.
It also belonged that particular blend of early 80s PG films that blurred “family entertainment” lines. For The Pirate Movie, this meant all-ages silliness alongside some mature themes. You’ll find heaps of sexual puns in the lyrics of its songs for the winking enjoyment of parents, while completely going over the heads of the kids. (Exhibit A: The song “Pumpin’ and Blowin’” is about deep sea diving, except for when it isn’t.) This weird mix of tones was a hallmark of PG movies but would soon end only two summers later when the PG-13 rating was introduced. Cheeky humor and cheeky backsides were now firmly relegated to this new rating aimed at a teen demographic after 1984.
Another reason this cult film gained such a devoted following: it played on HBO and cable channels in heavy rotation soon after it left theaters. That incessant repetition, along with a catchy soundtrack, firmly rooted itself in the brains of GenXers of a certain age like me. Everyone else who didn’t grow up with the film is left scratching their heads about what’s to love here.
I could go on about the camp dialogue, over-the-top performances, and the pop culture references appearing out of nowhere (hello Star Wars and Indiana Jones jokes!). I also suspect other fans of the film will echo my conflicting feelings growing up having to decide whether I had more of youthful crush on Kristy or Christopher at the time.
But like most GenX things, you either get it or you don’t. (And the best part is we don’t really care if you don’t.) In a world that takes itself far too seriously right now, I wish more movies were this playful and silly. When I put the movie on to watch, I know that—as the big finale production number says—it’s going to “give me a happy ending, every time.”
Eric Grigs is a pop culture writer, artist, and co-host of the Pop Trash Podcast.